The award-winning, gender-fluid performance artist dishes out life advice – with a side of sass
Words Marianna Manson
It’s a well-known fact that the Drag-osphere is comprised of three key elements: nouse, fucks-not-given, and hairspray. So who better than those paragons of good sense and emotional authenticity, London’s drag queens, to handle your modern trials and tribulations?
In our newly instated Dragony Aunt column, gender-fluid vegan Drag Queen Felix le Freak, the radical performance artist and host of weekly Drag Bingo event at Shoreditch favourite Queen of Hoxton, takes up the proverbial hot seat to solve our readers’ most troubling issues. From tips on how to curb a fried chicken habit to the touchy (feely?) subject of sex-tiquette in a shared flat, Felix has you covered. Just don’t get in touch if your name’s Megan…
Dear Felix le Freak,
I’ve been meaning – like, really meaning – to go vegan for ages now, but currently I’m on first name terms with the lads in the chicken shop downstairs. Any tips for how I can embark on a shiny new cruelty-free life?
From
an ex-chicken lover [via Facebook Messenger]
To an ex-chicken lover,
First of all, if you love chickens, don’t eat them. I love my gran and I’ve never eaten her. Chickens are people. Have you even seen Chicken Run?
Secondly, drop the first name terms with the lads downstairs. Greet them only as ‘MURDERER!’ until they provide a decent selection of plant-based alternatives. Jackfruit is absolutely delicious.
Dear Felix,
In the main, my new flatmate is a dream – clean, tidy, chilled out, and respectful of my space. But when she has her boyfriend over they take over the living room with their PDAs, then disappear to the bedroom to go at it like banshees. How do I let her know it’s bothering me without ruining the equilibrium?
Yours,
Megan [via email]
To Megan
It’s no wonder your flatmate and her boyfriend pay you no heed with a silly name like Megan. I would suggest something more authoritative like Cassandra or Madame Dagger. Then get yourself out on the tiles, bag some booty and join in the bonking symphony. If she doesn’t get the point, you’ll have had a blast trying.
To Felix le Freak,
Help! I’m in love with my fuckbuddy. What should I do?
Priya [via facebook]
To Priya,
Love is a weapon employed by the patriarchy to anaesthetise us and halt social progress. Divert your passions into community projects and keep screwing around.
Hi Felix,
I gave my boss a gift two years ago and it’s still unused in the office. I’m leaving my job soon – can I take it with me when I go? I don’t think he’d notice but if he did it would be really embarrassing!
Jess [via email]
To Jess,
Bosses are terrible people by nature and any theft against them can be justified as an act of resistance against the oppressive hierarchies that define our miserable lives. Take the gift, take his stapler, fight the system, vive la revolución!
Drag Bingo takes place every Wednesday at Queen of Hoxton and you can expect bawdy guests, cash prizes and existential despair in abundance.